My Voice Has Been Missing

It has been a while since I've posted. It isn't that I haven't been reading and thinking about school, because I have been. As I reread my last few posts I noticed how, shall I say, boring they are. If you know my writing history, you know my 7th grade Language Arts teacher killed my voice. I wrote, what I thought of as a humorous piece about stepping off the plane for the first time in Iowa. (I moved to Iowa when I was 10yrs old.) The piece was about my misconceptions about farms and the people that lived on them. The comments written on my paper by the teacher basically said that I was ignorant and that Eastern Ohio (the place I moved from) was the Midwest and I should have known better (there was more, but I have blocked it from my memory). She gave me a mediocre grade. I was definately not used to mediocre grades.

I became, what I call, a "Safe Writer". I wrote a boring yet correct intro, body, and conclusion to every writing assignment from then on. If I wasn't sure where to put the coma, I changed the sentence. If I didn't know how to spell the word, I used a different one. (yes, I was too lazy to just look it up) I rocked High School English and even may have been known to write someone else's paper in exchange for said person typing mine. You see, I never took typing in high school, I was going to be a psychiatrist, thus having my own secretary.

A few years ago I took a workshop with Ruth Ayres ( my writing hero). During the workshop we were given time to write in a writer's notebook. I have been writing in a notebook since then. My notebook isn't boring. I find it kind of funny. Why, because I know no one but me will read it. I don't worry about where the stinkin' comma goes. I write like I talk. I know that you are never suppose to start a sentence with but. But, that's how I talk.

I recently saw Ruth present at the ALL Write Summer Institute. She talked about getting rid of that high school teacher in your head. I really connected with that statement. Then I found this blog http://itsnotallflowersandsausages.blogspot.com/ and I thought, yeah, she is really funny. I enjoy reading her blog because she has a lot of voice. I decided I needed to revisit my blog.

I started to write this blog to make myself a more reflective teacher. That is still my main purpose. However, I would like to enjoy reading my own blog. If you know me in "real life", I hope you know that I am serious about being a good teacher, mom and wife yet I do not act serious while performing these duties. I have been known to make my coworkers laugh out loud at my notes during meetings (yes, I am still paying attention, just adding comments to the presentation). The kids in my class will tell you, I am the weirdest teacher they have ever had. My own kids are embarrassed by me on a daily basis. I enjoy life.

Humor has always been my fall back. Our family moved around when I was little. My dad was transferred 5 times while I was growing up. I was a chubby nerdy kid. I learned it was easier to make friends if you could make them laugh. This has gotten me in trouble many times. Some people think I am not serious if I'm joking around. That is so not true. I would just prefer to enjoy myself at work and at home. I learned pretty early in life that life is short. My mom died when I was 21 years old. My mom was a "fun" mom. My friends liked to come to my house. She was known to play cards with us into the wee hours of the morning. She would take us shopping and laugh as much as we did. That doesn't mean she didn't have rules. She just enforced them with a smile. I hope my kids will describe me as a "fun" mom some day. (I'm pretty sure that is not the f* word my 14 year old uses these days to describe me)

Anyway, I am now going to start writing with more voice. I hope you will not be too annoyed if my commas are not placed correctly. If I have a run on sentence, please ignore it. I figure if I'm trying to help my students grow as writers, I should probably do some growing myself. You may still find me unfunny, but I will enjoy writing and reading my blog more. And remember, it is all about me.