Student Story Challenge

My last student story was inspiring (at least to me). This one may not be inspiring, but it is the student that has been on my mind this past week. Miguel* came to me this past year from kindergarten with a rather long note. It stated he didn't know his letters, sounds, sight words, etc. The note was correct. He was my least prepared student and he knew it.

Miguel* was aware from day one that he was not doing the same level of work as the other kids in the class. When Miguel* felt embarrassed or singled out about classroom performance he acted out. He often would act aggressive towards others. He was placed in Reading Recovery first round, but was kicked out of the "buddy reading program" that RR kids participate in with 5th graders every morning. He wouldn't listen to the 5th grader. He would disrupt all the other kids in the library.

Miguel* struggled through the year. I met with other teachers to discuss him and come up with ideas to use with him. He was a second language child so I could not have him tested (he hadn't had three years of English instruction) However, Miguel* didn't really speak much Spanish. When he moved here in kindergarten he spoke only English, but over the summer his "old new dad" had started teaching him Spanish. The thing was, Miguel* was really smart. He was street smart and classroom smart.

He knew that if he misbehaved enough to be removed from the other students he would not have to complete the activity. So he would act up whenever a task was difficult for him, which was often. I don't usually remove students from the classroom unless they are a danger to others...So Miguel* would throw a pencil at someone or grab someone's chair from them as they were sitting or... you name it, he tried it. I decided to give him an "out" when things got too frustrating. He would "need to go to the bathroom" or I would send him to the office with a note for the secretary. (the notes said," Miguel* needs a break from the classroom, please smile and thank him.")

I really liked Miguel*, but I don't think I did enough for him this past year. I thought briefly about retaining him. However, he was the largest boy in my class and he was angry. He was angry that he had an "old dad", "old new dad", and a "new dad" all during this school year. He was angry that he couldn't read like all of his peers. Angry that I couldn't make him be able to read. I felt that if I retained him he would be even angrier. I am worried about Miguel*. His brother is a teenager and belongs to a gang. I worry that Miguel* may also join a gang or choose the wrong path.

Because of redistricting, Miguel* will not be attending my school next year. I worry that those "other teachers" won't take care of him. (the teachers at his new school are wonderful, I should have no worries about him) I worry that with that loss of connection he will feel lost. I feel like I failed Miguel*. I hate to feel this way at the end of the year with a student. I don't feel like I did enough to change his feelings about school or life. I really tried to celebrate his successes, but he didn't feel successful because he compared himself with others. He didn't buy into the classroom community. I had moments of breakthroughs, but I'm afraid he needed more than moments.

I hope that Miguel's second grade teacher will love him as much as I do. I hope that through testing our district determines what Miguel needs and I hope that he gets whatever help he needs. I hope he begins to believe that he is a great kid. I will always remember Miguel and the things he taught me. I'm afraid he can't say the same about me.